Friday, June 5, 2020

Professional Accountability at Every Level

In 1989 David Dinkins was elected as the first black mayor of New York City. At that time in history the entire country, and New York City in particular, was embroiled in an environment of frequent criminality. The environment that fostered this behavior was complex and systemic. Mayor Dinkins was a testament to understanding and treating all aspects of these complexities, to the best of one's ability as a leader. In fact, he is probably one of the best leaders this country has ever had, but is rarely spoken or written about.

Mayor David Dinkins understood many things about what perpetuates and facilitates crime and suffering in the vacuum of the diverse, large, varied, and yet compact, claustrophobic, and singularly unified environment of a large urban city. Many people of New York, Chicago, Paris and London feel they are more New Yorkers, Chicagoans, Parisians, or Londoners than they do any sort of nationalistic fervor. The anxiety and struggle and beauty and closeness of a city offer a feeling of comradery in the face of adversity, in most cases.

Dinkins saw and believed in that comradery, and he identified the problems stifling it. He funded homeless shelters and community programs to keep people out of the cycle of homelessness. He kept public highschools open every night so dispossessed or otherwise hurt teenagers would have a safe place. He created Beacon Schools which are still operating. He properly funded the police force and integrally held them accountable to civilian review boards. That is what this article is about, accountability.

A researcher at an institution is accountable to a neutral ethics review board before they undergo any sort of project, due to abuses in the past. A medical professional is accountable to HIPPA compliance and neutral state medical boards, due to abuses in the past. Police officers are only accountable to other police officers, despite abuses in the past. Except for in Mayor Dinkins brief tenure, and in the tenure of other such enlightened leaders.

It is time to take the job of a police officer as seriously as the job of a medical professional, or a researcher at a university. Not to infer the same respect on the position, but to recognize the position as one that has the potential to endanger and take the lives of many people. It should be a job that requires years, not months of training. It should be difficult to be a police officer, it should require nuanced and intense education in our history as a nation and our racial biases. There should be severe background checks, and making so much as one allusion to a white supremacist organization should be grounds for non-hire, or if after hire, immediate dismissal.

Police do not require that level of oversight, but if they were required to answer to a civilian review board, they absolutely would. A board of accountability operated by the people, the police police, was the way Mayor David Dinkins considered the best path forward.

When Mayor Dinkins enacted the civilian review board there were mass ‘protests’ by police officers, over-dramatically condemning him for ‘stifling their ability to do their job’. If the police cannot do their job without being accountable to the communities they police then they should not be doing that job at all. If you cannot do your job without being accountable to someone other than your co-worker, you are not fit to do your job. People working at Starbucks, grocery stores, hospitals, universities and donut shops are highly aware of that,yet many members of the police felt the need to protest a simple measure of protection in the early 1990’s.

In Mayor Dinkins tenure as the first black mayor of New York City crime rates dramatically dropped every single year he was in office. Yet, he was defeated by Rudy Giuliani, the incumbent, who claimed he was a “crime-busting” candidate. Much like President Barack Obama was defeated by President Trump who claimed he would “Make America Great Again”.

What crime needed to be busted when the systemic work was being put in to make the people of New York happier, healthier, mentally well, and with places to sleep? When the work was put in to keep the police accountable for their atrocities? How has America become great, in any sense, under the insipid incompetence and malice of our current administration? America does not become great from a despot with a repurposed slogan. Crime is not busted by inducing a police state onto the citizens of New York City, as Giuliani did in the 90’s, and as the current administration is attempting right now on a grand-scale.

All of us who have professions that involve human life, require, nourish, and grow from accountability. It is the only ethical way to do that job.


I urge anyone who bothered to read this to donate to bail funds for protesters, BLM, Chicago Alliance Against Racist and Political Repression, funds for families who have lost loved ones. If you live in Chicago look into the Civilian Police Accountability council and the efforts made to enact this legislation. And if possible, push for similar reform in your local communities.










Thank you to Mayor David Dinkins.

Friday, March 6, 2020

We Asked Presidential Candidates what 7+3 is....Their Answers will Shock You


We got together the last bastion of hope in our political processes and the devil himself as they bid for presidential prestige and asked them all what 7+3 is to see if they really know their stuff. Let's see what they have to say!


Joe Biden: "The middle class isn't a number -- it's a set of values. Owning your home. Sending your kids to college. Being able to save and get ahead. Across the country, too many families are being left behind.

Wow Joe! We never thought 7+3 might equal equability before!

Bernie Sanders: "I'm running for President so that, when we are in the White House the movement we build together can achieve economic, racial, and environmental justice for all. Also the answer is 10, but I had to get that out there first." 

This is the kind of guy who not only knows what 7+3 is, he also knows how to express a message <3


Elizabeth Warren: "I am no longer in this race but want to express briefly that not only must we know the answer to 7+3 we must also be aware of the steps it takes to reach the answer to what is 7+3"
Thanks Liz! I wish you were my mother. 

Bernie Sanders from the past: 10. Why are you asking me this? On a side note: I hope things never get so bad I feel compelled to run for president.
Man! Just goes to show how policy is ever-evolving!



Donald Trump: 28. And anyone who says otherwise is a liar. How about those Oscars? Also one time I clogged a toilet. Lets talk about that for 25 minutes. 
Fuck You









Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Study from MIT finds Cheetos, White Wine, Hydrogen Peroxide and Whisky not a bad mix

While studying Fraternity brothers at MIT, graduate students from MIT decided to see how far the limits of the physical human form could be taken. 

in this photo: research subjects




Using key word phrases like, "I dare you" "Don't be a little bitch" and "You act like a pussy"

the MIT students managed to force feed the Fraternity brothers a variety of interesting chemical compounds and food combinations, the most fascinating combo being forced upon Chett Raker originally of Anaheim. 

Chett consumed: 

1 pound of Cheetos

2 Bottles of White Wine

A bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide 

20.8 fluid ounces of Whisky

Mr. Raker then proceeded to write a series of soliloquies shocking frat brothers and researchers alike, before passing out in an inflatable kiddie pool. 

Truly the good folks at MIT are fighting the good fight and doing the kind of research this country needs. 

Sunday, November 5, 2017

3 Effective Ways to Lose Weight for the Summer!!!!! BY GUEST AUTHOR DOCTOR OZ

This is an article for women because it is about losing weight. If you are a woman and you do not want to lose weight I do not believe you. Because all women no matter their size, race, creed, or color want to lose weight. This is what unifies us. This is the basic tenant of our being. That the fat which protects us from the cold cockles of winter is an inherent badness which must be expunged from our bodies like the bastion of sin that it represents. YAYYYYY! I AM THE DOCTOR OZ


trust me





Here are 5 Effective Ways to finally matter in society!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1) Drink Apple Cider Vinegar and Destroy the Lining of Your Stomach


What a Truly Ugly Woman. Nothing about this is Beautiful.


The best way to have a flat stomach that looks really good, but is disintegrating beneath the surface, is to drink vinegar. Ulcers do not matter when you are pretty enough to forget that you are sad!

2) Go on an Expensive Juice Cleanse and Deprive your Body of Basic Nutrients

Wow I would never want to desperately hold and love this person.

When you are The Sexy One that everyone is talking about you will be happy that you have given yourself osteoporosis by depriving your body of calcium and protein for weeks at a time. Nothing is healthier than only eating fruit because the fruit is healthy right? Right. I am the Doctor Oz that loves Sexy One's. Trust me.

3) Drink Black Coffee Constantly and Erode the Enamel of your Teeth


Never in my life would I abandon a small family I had acquired to fall into the arms of this cigar woman

Nothing says sexy like black coffee, a cigarette, and no teeth. Trust me I am Doctor Oz. I know the secrets to women and their hearts and I know the secrets to that desolate flatness you so desire. I am the Doctor Oz. 

look the doctor oz, he is normal, trust me
















Sunday, June 18, 2017

Biological Clock in Sync with Doomsday Clock


In this Picture: Anxiety?

It appears that 15-year old women across the world are now biologically in-sync with the Doomsday clock, as of its new inching toward midnight. 
This is an interesting development, as it indicates that as soon as this generation of women is emotionally and financially mature enough to proliferate our species, the majority of humanity will be obliterated.
 For some, like Jessica Statler of Long-Island, this comes as a relief. “You know, I never really wanted to have children, or live past 30. I guess I’ve always been kind of a free spirit? With the rising wave of feminism I don’t really see why I should be too devastated about not living long enough to feel the biological urge to procreate.”
Some, like Devon Brookshire of Conway, Arkansas are unfettered by the news. “I have really tough skin. It’s often described as scaly. For that reason I feel like I could easily survive a Nuclear Holocaust and in the rubble raise the idyllic family I always imagined having. 2 kids, an equally scaly husband, and a beautiful cottage-home, built upon the ashes of history.”

Man on LSD who just Discovered the Universe is One Eternal Ring of Love and Forgiveness: Mugs and Beats the Shit out of Himself

In this Picture: The Ubiquitous Beauty of Nature?

Area man, Matthew (Matty boy) Nichols, who dropped acid late Wednesday afternoon promptly discovered that pain is an illusion and the universe is in fact one being, filled with never-ending love and acceptance. Shortly after making that realization on his walk home from the EL, Nichols somehow managed to mug and beat the shit out of himself.

As Nichols looked into the eyes of his assailants, of whom he was convinced were just different manifestations of the one true being of the universe, he wondered out-loud why he should be so cruel to himself under the current conditions.

While nursing the multiple welts that had grown underneath his eyes he could only think, "my bruises are love, my bleeding is love, the hooded man who stabbed me multiple times uncaring as to whether I lived or died is love."

Nichols was disappointed as to what a bummer this experience with himself turned out to be, but looks forward to spending the next 12 hours awake in bed, in pain, and staring at bright geometrical lights manifesting in multiple parts of his 3X5 bedroom that he pays 600 dollars a month for, truly everything is love.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

3 cute cat pictures that will make you believe in God again




This playful tabby
Come on. There can't be a never-ending void of nothingness if this tabby can be so playful



This siamese

Surely something set evolution into motion to make this be possible. The cat is so beautiful. Quit crying. 



This praying cat
The cat itself is praying. So surely that means something. Surely something means something. The cats are so pretty. Don't worry. Just look at more cat pictures.