Study from MIT finds Cheetos, White Wine, Hydrogen Peroxide and Whisky not a bad mix

While studying Fraternity brothers at MIT, graduate students from MIT decided to see how far the limits of the physical human form could be taken. 

in this photo: research subjects

Using key word phrases like, "I dare you" "Don't be a little bitch" and "You act like a pussy"

the MIT students managed to force feed the Fraternity brothers a variety of interesting chemical compounds and food combinations, the most fascinating combo being forced upon Chett Raker originally of Anaheim. 

Chett consumed: 

1 pound of Cheetos

2 Bottles of White Wine

A bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide 

20.8 fluid ounces of Whisky

Mr. Raker then proceeded to write a series of soliloquies shocking frat brothers and researchers alike, before passing out in an inflatable kiddie pool. 

Truly the good folks at MIT are fighting the good fight and doing the kind of research this country needs. 

3 Effective Ways to Lose Weight for the Summer!!!!! BY GUEST AUTHOR DOCTOR OZ

This is an article for women because it is about losing weight. If you are a woman and you do not want to lose weight I do not believe you. Because all women no matter their size, race, creed, or color want to lose weight. This is what unifies us. This is the basic tenant of our being. That the fat which protects us from the cold cockles of winter is an inherent badness which must be expunged from our bodies like the bastion of sin that it represents. YAYYYYY! I AM THE DOCTOR OZ

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Here are 5 Effective Ways to finally matter in society!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1) Drink Apple Cider Vinegar and Destroy the Lining of Your Stomach

What a Truly Ugly Woman. Nothing about this is Beautiful.

The best way to have a flat stomach that looks really good, but is disintegrating beneath the surface, is to drink vinegar. Ulcers do not matter when you are pretty enough to forget that you are sad!

2) Go on an Expensive Juice Cleanse and Deprive your Body of Basic Nutrients

Wow I would never want to desperately hold and love this person.

When you are The Sexy One that everyone is talking about you will be happy that you have given yourself osteoporosis by depriving your body of calcium and protein for weeks at a time. Nothing is healthier than only eating fruit because the fruit is healthy right? Right. I am the Doctor Oz that loves Sexy One's. Trust me.

3) Drink Black Coffee Constantly and Erode the Enamel of your Teeth

Never in my life would I abandon a small family I had acquired to fall into the arms of this cigar woman

Nothing says sexy like black coffee, a cigarette, and no teeth. Trust me I am Doctor Oz. I know the secrets to women and their hearts and I know the secrets to that desolate flatness you so desire. I am the Doctor Oz. 

look the doctor oz, he is normal, trust me