Wednesday, June 29, 2016

How to accept that every woman named Amber is prettier than you

In this photo: Every woman named Amber

There comes a point in every woman's life wherein they must accept the reality of their situation and admit that every woman named Amber they'll ever meet is prettier than them.

When you hit this point take a deep breath and center yourself. Remember that your body doesn't define you so it's okay that unlike Amber you have an imperfect one.

Amber's beautifully sculpted legs are long and lean. Yours are considerably shorter and stumpier. All that means is that your parents weren't concerned with whether or not you were going to be beautiful when you grew up. That's why they named you something that wasn't Amber. They thought that you were more than your looks.

Sure if you had been named Amber your life would be different. You would have blonde hair probably. You would have maybe even half-heartedly won a beauty pageant. Instead you half-heartedly won a mathletes competition your junior year of high school. Mathletes is nothing to scoff at. They were a tough group to get in with. Maybe you didn't experiment with sex until college but at least you didn't burn out either.

Because Amber can go either way. She may be prettier than you but in her early 30's she could be a heavy smoker with a couple abortions under her belt. That being said in her prime Amber will always have been better than you were, physically and emotionally. That's because she does a lot of yoga.

Don't worry. Just because you aren't named Amber doesn't mean you can't be pretty. You are pretty. You're just college pretty. And Amber is all ages pretty. That's nothing to get down on yourself about.

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